I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
