i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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