I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
