At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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