You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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