where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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