the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
