Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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