When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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