Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
