ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
