Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish you could order shots online.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
