After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
