oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
