You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
