The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
