My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
