A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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