I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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