Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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