I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
