Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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