Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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