just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Less talking, more tequila
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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