After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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