is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
