Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
