Where is the hickey?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
