Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
