Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
