So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
