nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
