I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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