i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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