come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
