Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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