Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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