nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
