Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
