lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
