i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
