I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
