JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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