Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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