high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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