Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
