it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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