The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
