it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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