This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
should my penis look like a turkey
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can't turn off my feet"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
