i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
