Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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