I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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